crap!!!

well...
here goes..

life.. as usual it sucked!!!
but.. this time...
it altered a lil'...

it went down... hard...

it came to my knowledge recently...
that just after we broke up..

she's been seeing a guy...
i would "label" him as "sms"..
its in short for something i'd rather not
state here...

its only from my point of view...
so i guess it doesn't really matter...

anyway...
hearing her say that she's currently with
"sms"...
i wasn't very convinced..
i had a hunch that it was just to..
urm..
somehow.. used to make me literally
leave behind the past.. and just move on..

until she requested to send me
images of them...
together. . . . . .

at the very moment i was...
speechless..
more than convinced.. it was very
much staggering in fact!
not only that...
i asked for a chance..
well..
surely i didn't see that coming...
but. . .
she wanted me to be her "lil bro"(crushed!!!)

i. . . . . . erm. . .
i threw up immediately after we hung up..
the pain was crucial and it hurt so
much, i just threw up...

not only that i lost someone
which was a big part of me and my life..
she just got over the matter quick enough
to be with someone else..
its only faintly more than a week..
had the breaking up occured. . .
things happened..
in blistering speed of time


when i just came to my senses
of where i was standing...
where i've gone wrong through
the relationship..
I was immensely
determined to change every
part of me..
utterly...
capitulating my life into it. . . .

things start to crumble..
everything went blank...
all I could do..
was just to confess and
elucidate a lil bit of
everything. . . .

virtuely..
i really don't know how it went...
but..
i did what i could..

i tried calling her a while after we hung up..
i couln't get through the first few calls..
when i eventually did...

the cry of a broken heart..
lost in confussion..
and rather bogged down in a dilemma
was heard through the the line...

she'd just ended a "convie"
with "sms"..
i didn't know what went on in that..
i asked.. but right away i knew that
i was no one to know about it...
so.. i left it aside...

she asked for some time though...
to calm down and ponder about "it"(to gimme a chance to be with her once again)
first. . . . .
i just agreed...
knowing that my chances are..
somewhat five percent??

but..
whatever it is..
if it was GOD's will that we're not
together... then so be it..
its not like i can do anything... (well, besides wining her heart back)
I just have to live up to it...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

guys...
appreciate what you have
before its gone..
you'll never know when or where..
treasure those beside you..
and before you make any
settlement..
think more than twice..
WHAT HAS BEEN DONE,HAS BEEN DONE..
THERE'S NO TURNING BACK TO IT!
even if there is.. will things ever be the same again??

what I'm facing now..
is far more devastating than how it actually sounds..
the root of this setback..
it all trails up to
me!

its all because of words and
settlements that were concluded
based on my personal feelings..
before thinking..
its already being uttered out in words that
pierced the heart of the one i love...

before i perceive anything..
its already too late...
too late to take it back..
it has been said..
so is the damage done..

its what i regret in life!!!
MOST!
constantly facing this
shortcoming of mine.. its hard!!


- - - - - - - - - -

though this post is rather jumbled
and slightly confusing..
its most likely because
of deranging tought's
racing through my mind..
its hard to write in this
state...
sorry...


~SUNNY~