and yet another series of. . . . . . . .

*sigh*
things occurring around me seems to
be obscure..

a lot of which i can't clarify...
for the past few days..
I've been pleading and "ellucidating"
a lot of things(but no yet all). . .

for the moment.. she gives in..
but the next. . . . . . . rejection..
constantly facing this everyday
really shatter's me..

though she treated me "raucously". . .
but the next time she says "yes"(a chance)..
i still trust her.. whole heartedly!
with no doubt..
overfilled with joy.. i continue my day..

and yet again... another series of devastating
rejection. . . . . takes place once more. . .

sometimes. . . i honestly felt like a toy..
being pushed aside whenever you like..
and taking it back again when you want to...

i gave my all.. surrendered everything..
but i still cannot understand why
was i treated so. . . .

tears of sorrows,anguish and confusion
are felt "flowing" from the
eyes that saw great beauty and love deep
in her heart during the past. . .
having face this everyday is really
hard. . .
to put everything you have into someone..
hoping for the best. . .
but recieving the unexpected. . .
spells p-a-i-n. .
but putting more into it and hope again..
and rejected repeatedly. . . .

it really is something we can't actually
depict. . . .

but now that I'm
having the chance. . . .
i still trust it. . . .
fully. . . . . . . . . . . .but in fear.

doing my best to show that
I'm not who i was. . .
diverged from the old self into a new person. .

I'm aware that she's still with Thomas. .
but unsure of where their relationship stands. .

earlier on in the "convie"
i had with her. . .
she said later on you'll not trust me
already. . i asked her why. .
she said nothing. .
sceptically asking again, she said its because
I was somehow "toyed" earlier on. . .

i sensed through her voice
that it lacks assertiveness in what she said. .
I can't help but to have
a hunch on what she said. . .
not that i want it. .
but it just happened. . .

but whatever it is. . .
I'm trying to make provisions
for the possibilities that might happen. . .

currently having deranging thought's in my
mind. . .
but I'll deal with it. . . .

*sigh*

~SUNNY~