what have i done!

Gosh!!!! it all seemed like it just happened a split
second ago.

i just broke up with her...
for some reasons that. . .
i don't even know.
it happened about 2 weeks ago.

she meant the world to me.
and i just let go of it.

now that i comprehended the situation
and what I've done..

its already far too late for a change.
i really can't believe that only after two weeks
can I only realize how much devastation have i caused
in both parties.

this is one huge mistake I've done..
most likely..
the worst mistake that I'll ever make..

I'm living life on the edge now.
its all so contrasting..
everything seemed so fine.
being loved and care by someone with such significance
to me is all I ever needed.

though there were times when we argued..
I have the tendency to be petulant ..

but I can't possibly blame her for that..
she was NEVER wrong!!
but thats what i did..

I REALLY REALLY regret upon the huge
blunder that I've made...
though its obviously too late
for me to realize.
but. . . . what can i possibly do??

I didn't actually have the chance to apologize
upon the unreasonable act. . . .

i tried calling..
she didn't pick up..
but I met her online today..

and i was like "hey"
"hating me?"

i recieved an unexpected "what's your problem?"
*sigh*
i tried reaching her by her cell,
she. . . . . switched it off-ed..

I guess i REALLY REALLY did
"mortify" her this time...
how i wish i can take back whatever I've said to her...
gosh!!

but . . . . . its too late.
nevermind it...
just wished i had
just a minute to talk and explain
everything to her. *sigh*

my life sucks!!!
totally!
and Nicholas..
he's gone to singapore..
who else is there to talk to??
to confide my "soul". . . .

at this point of life everything seems to just fall apart!
if there's just anyone out there
that might be a help..
please do..

i'm somehow in a life crisis!!!
ugh!!
gosh!!!
i wished i could just fall in a deep sleep for a long time. . .
and not gain consciousness from it till all the pain and
troubles resides. . .

life is too devastating for me to live in..
hatiN every moment of it...
well. . . . . at least most of it. . . . .
HATE ME!!!!


~SUNNY~

at certain points in life...
we do need our own time and personal space..
hidden in shadows of our own...
cut out from social life and the world...*temporarily

but having to face that all the time is just driving me..
somehow into "depression"
is been quite a while that I'm facing this...
it really no easy

honestly... i do not have a social life...
its really hard for me that i don't...
I just got cut out of it before i even had it..
well.. this situation might sound awkward...
some might have in mind that i just choose not to
mix around...

but that's not really it...
some reason's lay behind this prob' I have...
A few which I find hard to face...

sometimes...
i really did wish i had one...
an outcast... is basically what i have in mind of
myself...
being a "lone ranger" isn't a nice thing...
though it might seem "cool" at times...
but trust me...
there's no fun in it... the pain can sometimes be dreadful...
literraly...

I really wish that I have a social life of my own...
working on it...
well... stuck actually...
not knowing how or what i should do to achieve it..
*sobz